We’re well stocked with VHS titles at this point — so, last year, we turned to our motley mix of streaming services to see what the selection is like online. What do you get when you mix a Gulf Coast oil spill, a dash of toxic waste, and a bunch of dead dudes? Apparently, you get one of the strangest and shoddiest movies I’ve ever forced myself to watch (and toxic zombies, obviously). You’ll find loot photos and shirtless guys, but any other nudity that will still get an ad, unfortunately. On www Fuckbook, you will find hundreds of like-minded people over 18 who have unattached relationships and casual connections. Internet chat rooms have made the World Wide Web more dynamic, real time and lifelike. You will learn some of the best foreplay techniques to use and get your partner ready for the real act or help them reach orgasm.
Our hero, the dog, is voiced by a store-brand Seth Rogen type, only to be portrayed by a completely different actor with an entirely different personality when we finally get to see him as a human. It’s the story of a down-on-her-luck lady who takes in a stray dog, only to learn that it’s actually a man stuck inside of a dog’s body. They aren’t well categorized, but with a little digging, it never takes long to find something head-scratching and hilarious. With Powderburn, it’s a little hard to be sure. Very little of this film makes sense. From the brutally bad pun that opens the film to the final, climactic bout of unconvincing swordplay, Sexcamscom.Com everything about this movie is just the best kind of bananas. That’s a good thing, because while the monster effects border on semi-competent there, ah, actually aren’t that many zombies in this, um, 132-minute zombie movie.
Fun fact: Feel-good family flicks can be so bad they’re good, too! Case in point, Circus Island, in which an out-of-work trapeze artist slash deadbeat dad falls in love with and marries his ex-wife’s twin sister without realizing who she is before reconnecting with his estranged daughter while fixing up a run-down tropical island as a summer circus camp, wherein an angsty and vaguely homicidal mean girl threatens to ruin everything unless a ghostly circus legend can save the day from beyond the grave. I went to a lingerie store to day and told the lady of my problem nervously, she just smiled and told me Your not the only guy that comes in here with that. 2018 brought us Skyscraper, the latest in a long, storied history of Die Hard ripoffs — but did you know it’s actually the second Die Hard ripoff with that name? The first was a straight-to-video trainwreck from 1996, and you won’t find Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson saving the day. The acting is god-awful (I have a special soft spot for Deron McBee’s especially campy turn as a terrorist — you might know him as Motaro from Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, or as Malibu, one of the original American Gladiators).
I don’t fucking know. Also, I would not have come down so hard on you had you sounded content, and signed your email happily. I sat down at a table, drank a beer, ordered a drink for the lady sitting at the table with me, chatted for about 10 minutes before deciding that I didn’t want to stick around. It makes for one of the more demanding watches on this list (and at just 82 minutes, that’s saying something), but stick it out, if only for the utterly bizarre sequence 58 minutes in where our naked hero gets into a gunfight in the desert with a trio of snakes. This film is an enigma of bad moviemaking, and filled to the brim with botched line deliveries, strange cuts and incomprehensible plot twists that’ll have you saying “huh?” more times than you can count. Sure, it now wasn’t addressing anything I hoped to about our sex life, but in addition it made me feel like we didn’t have that connection that I had always felt we did, deep in my heart.